Gratiot County Herald

Cell phones and social networking sites can be a great way to keep in touch with friends and family. Communication with people we love is now quite literally at our fingertips. But when can cell phones and technology cause harm within our relationships? Is it possible to build trust in dating relationships with access to all of this information?

It is now possible to call or text the person you are in a relationship with and see who they are hanging out with, what they are doing, and what they are talking about. A person may begin to feel suffocated in the relationship if the person they are dating is constantly calling or texting in order to keep track of them. Another issue is with the social networking sites like Myspace, Facebook and Twitter. These sites allow the person you are dating to have access to who you are talking to, what is being said, who you support system is, and even regular updates regarding what you are doing.

According to www.loveisnotabuse.com, 71% of teens reported that boyfriends/girlfriends spreading rumors about them on cell phones and social networking sites is a serious problem. Another 68% of teens say that boyfriends/girlfriends sharing private or embarrassing pictures/videos on cell phones and computers is a serious problem. Respect is an important component to any healthy relationship. An important question to ask yourself might be, “If a person really cares about me would they spread rumors or allow others to comment about me in a negative way?” After a break up is often when people are most likely to indulge in rumor spreading and sharing private information about their ex-partner. This may serve as a warning sign to others. If someone is spreading rumors and disclosing private information about their exes, then at some point it may be you on the receiving end of this behavior.

There are things you can do to use your social networking sites and cell phones in a safe way. First of all, remember you can always turn it off. It may be necessary to turn your cell off in order to ensure that the person does not contact you. Also, remember you have the right to some privacy; you do not have to give the person you are dating your passwords. Saying “no” will help establish boundaries early on in their relationship. Quite often harassing people will contact you through unknown phone numbers. If you don’t know the number do not pick up. The same rule applies on-line. If you do not know who is contacting you refuse to add the person as your friend.

Many phone companies and social networking sites allow you to block people/numbers. Contact the phone company to see if this is a possibility for you to explore.

If you are in a dangerous relationship, you should avoid contacting your abuser at all. Remember, communications can be saved and the contact with your ex may come up in the future. Do not send anything online, in a text or voice message that you are not willing to sign your name to. This information may come out later on. Do not respond to hostile messages or texts as this may also be turned on you later.

If you are a parent there are several steps that you can take to help your child. The first is to set some rules that are simple to follow. Make sure that the computer is in a location that is visible to other members of the family. Talk to your child about keeping information private and not giving out too much information online. Allow your child an opportunity to talk about what makes him/her uncomfortable and ways that you two can set boundaries together. It may become important to explore blocking and monitoring options. If you see messages that are dangerous or suspicious report them to police immediately. Set limits for cell phone usage and remember that you can monitor phone calls and texts using billing statements which are often posted online. Make sure that your school has a policy in place regarding usage of cell phones in the school and that they are discussing internet safety with students.

Communication with loved ones should be fun and exciting. You need to trust your instincts. If something does not feel right then it isn’t right for you. Get help and talk to somebody you feel safe with. If you need support or have more questions please call Women’s Aid Service, Inc. Clare County (989) 539-1046, and Gratiot County (989) 463-6014, Isabella County (989) 772-9168

“Remember…
Love is trusting-
It isn’t keeping tabs with obsessive calls and texting
Love is secure
It isn’t jealous, suspicious, or paranoid
Love is accepting-
It isn’t telling someone what to do, what to wear, or how to act
Love is freedom-
It isn’t about possessing anyone or anything.”